I was thinking of something regarding my students who are in the program I oversee because of choices they've made or circumstances in their life that lead them to that place. I started thinking of how I goofed a certain time. Just a factual, academic sort of goof, but a goof nonetheless. I thought about how I'd likely not make that same mistake now that I'm older, more mature, better able to concentrate on tasks that I failed in the past. And then I was reminded of how I keep forgetting to add salt to things when I cook these days. I thought of how I like to joke around that it was due to a "blonde moment" or a "brain fart". I seem to have a lot of those.
And then I was reminded, thanks to just watching a Bible study video* for the nth time that, each time I blame it on the blonde**, I'm detracting from the fact that I - talented, intelligent, capable I - am not perfect. And why "blame" anything, let alone hair color? Why can't I, or many others in this world, accept that I'm never going to get it 100% right no matter how hard I try or how good I am innately. I'm still, plainly and simply, "fleshy".
Well, yes, fleshy in the bodily sense, which I don't believe to be a character flaw, but also fleshy in the Godly sense. I'm still driven by desires and motives and failures because of being a fallen person living in a fallen world. So if I know this, why am I pretending otherwise? It sure isn't because I'm somehow hiding the truth about myself from others. They know. They can see it. Thankfully, most are polite enough not to comment.
So, here I am again. My third blog. I haven't blogged in ages. I've been thinking of it. I thought about blogging my adventures of a newly single life [thanks to my former husband who decided to exercise his free will in ending our marriage], a newly purchased house [not a new house, just new to me - but moving was too tiring to even contemplate typing!], a newly gained career in a field I swore I'd never be in.
I thought about blogging the stages of my life lately - surviving, settling, and, hopefully, shining. Surviving was from last May 14th to December 28th, the dates of my separation and house purchase. Settling is the stage I'm in now. I'm giving myself permission to spend the same amount of time in this stage as I did in the survival stage, since I know I can't rush ahead without missing some key lessons I need to learn or tasks I need to do. And then, somewhere around the beginning of August, will be my goal date for shining. You may ask why I don't shine now. Well, I do, but we're not talking about oily skin here. I feel I need to faithfully handle the spot God has put me at in my life, at this moment and for this time and in this place. I'm forever getting too big for my britches, spiritually speaking, and then wondering why God won't give me the exalted tasks to which I feel I entitled. [Side note: The story in Luke 14 of the banquet and the person wanting the seat of honor spoke to me even as a child. I rebelled against the lesson in my heart even then. I believe this was God seeing and dealing with my issues when they could've been nipped in the bud, but here I am still dealing with them.]
My Bible Verse Right Now
[2 Corinthians 6:3-10] Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped. Don't put it off; don't frustrate God's work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we're doing. Our work as God's servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly ... in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we're beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we're telling the truth, and when God's showing his power; when we're doing our best setting things right; when we're praised, and when we're blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.
Prayer Requests [For privacy, not mentioning names. God knows who they are. He doesn't need their address.]
Mom, brother, and sister-in-law, for safe travel in and from Israel
Friend, for healing from a benign mass in his brain
Students, for courage and strength to reach their goal in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds
Former husband, that God will work powerfully in his life and pour blessing over him
Self, for healing from this flu that seems to last about a month
What I'm Reading Right Now [There seems to always be a stack. And, if not, I go to Borders. Actually, I go to Borders regardless.]
- Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen
- In the Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day - Mark Batterson
- Warrior Chicks - Holly Wagner
- Fight Like A Girl - Lisa Bevere
- Be Angry But Don't Blow It - Lisa Bevere
- Nurture - Lisa Bevere
- Remember Me? - Sophie Kinsella
* The Bible Study video I watched was Beth Moore's Daniel. It's the one on Daniel 3.
** I'm not sure who, if any, will read this blog. However, I want to clarify that my title has to do with ME, not anyone else. There are some who may feel I'm talking about an individual, but know that this individual is myself. As for others out there, well, there needs to be accountability all around for all sorts of actions and behaviors, but this isn't about anything but my actions and behaviors, appropriately naked before you.
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