Blame it on the genes.

I got to thinking recently, due to a combination of discussions I've had and reading I've done. [Thinking ... yes, it's dangerous.] Please note that, while I am not trying to be vulgar, this discussion requires some frankness that I will try to do delicately.

A casual friend was making disparaging remarks about an ex-lover's new wife and the assumed size of her vagina, due to the endowment of the man whose world they both share. I understand that the friend is upset that he married this other woman quite quickly after ending his sexual relationship with the friend, but why make jokes about the "echo"? Why do we trash other people based on things which are, to a great extent, out of their hands?

Anyone who has e-mail with an imperfect spam filter knows there are lauded treatments to modify the size of one's genitals, but mostly their proportions are determined by genetics. Men can get pumps and implants. Women can do Kegels and get tightened and have their hymen restored. But I think, in this world that makes character insinuations about a person based on their outward appearance, we've forgotten that we are what we are. Women, no matter how "snug" one is, are still stretchy enough to birth a baby. Sorry, but I've never seen a penis as big as a newborn.

I have students battling each other, and one of the threats thrown out by one girl to the other has to do with her being mixed race. As if the girl who claims a white and a black parent could do anything about the genetics her parents passed on to her.

I always got teased as a teenager because I needed a full night's sleep. I still do. In a society that acts as if you're somehow not an adult or not a go-getter if you need 8 hours of shut-eye, I'm looked down on, judged, for needing rest. Some people say they'll sleep when they're dead. Some people point to Martha Stewart and how she needs only 4-5 hours each night. They act like those who need more to survive, not just thrive, are somehow lazy or defective. [Trust me, I can get far less, like I did when my dad was dying, but it's not how I best function.] I know there are times I sleep too long, and I feel like crap. But again, I think it's how God made our bodies. Was Albert Einstein with his 11 hours of sleep each night a slacker? Was his somehow better than those who need less? No. It's just how he was made. It's just how Martha was made. It's just how I was made. While it affects how much I can get done in a day since, well, there are only 24 hours and that means I have 4 less hours to accomplish stuff each day compared to Martha, there's no sense in me trying to be something I'm not. If I try, the result is worse than before. I have 4 extra hours, but they're unproductive and mistake-ridden.

A certain male who is no longer in my life used to make negative comparisons, about how my best friend's voice is a soprano voice and another woman was more beautiful than I am. Apparently that meant her opinion of him was more valid, since that's what he said to me. I would respond that I was glad she had the brilliant foresight to choose parents with such excellent DNA to pass along to her.

I sure hope those reading this are intelligent enough to recognize the wry humor in that statement. It seems that those who don't get it are those who have a hard time giving due credit to environment, to genetics, and to choices. Character is under our control. Genes aren't. Nor is the environment in which we were raised, although we do choose as adults what surroundings, to some extent, we want in our lives.

I think about how I'm fat. Yes, I choose to not eat rabbit food or diet. I'm not as active as I should be. Even when I did those things, I wasn't thin. Thinner, yes, but not thin. I'm responsible for taking care of my body, but I also know I come from a long line of fat women on both sides of my family tree, women who lived long, healthy lives, active to the end. Since when is my character tied to the size of my butt?

This isn't to say, either, that my personality isn't shaped by how I'm made. I'm reading an evangelism book for introverts, and the author discusses Myer-Briggs personality traits and makes a good argument that we have to work within the personality God gave us. Anyone who meets a baby for the first time knows that they have their own little personalities pretty quickly, even if that base set of genes and God-given gifts and talents is shaped by environment and personal decisions. But even then, I'm not just an INTJ [close to the border of everything but "I"]. I'm also fat. I'm female. I'm American. I'm the youngest child, but 7 years behind my next older sibling, so I'm on the cusp of being a "youngest" and "only child" according to birth order books. I'm divorced. I'm a Christian. I'm middle class. I am allergic to aloe and soy and green beans [by no means an exhaustive list]. I've had my heart broken and probably broke some hearts.

But only some of those were under my control. The rest is where God put me, imbuing me with unique personality and gifts, "for such a time as this". I don't know why, but I know I'm important to my generation where I am with who I am. And my true value has to do with who I am in Christ, not the size of my vagina.