But the concept seems to get me thinking. People assume they know what happened to my marriage, as if it had to be a longstanding problem. Honestly, from all I can see, it was a collusion of events that just snowballed into a single month of devestation before exploding into the death of a covenant.
On the way to church, though, I was thinking. You see, I process thoughts in such a way that I pull seemingly random connections from all sorts of conversations, readings, studies, and observations into a metaphor. It's a long story how I got to this thought, but essentially it surrounds the Biblical statement that we're created "for such a time as this", that God has put us in our location, our situation, and our time for His specific purpose for us.
So what if ... and this is really a pipe dream because life is messy and people don't behave the way they should [myself included] or how God would have them act ... but what if God put the precise mix of personalities and talents and desires that, if people were to act on them, it would produce an explosion of God's power on earth. That those in need at the moment would be provided exactly what they needed because those who can provide it are being obedient and faithful. That those who seek purpose in this life would have someone to whom they could extend their talents and gifts in meeting that need. That those who seek to drive change would find a malliable world. What if?
Bible Study
So, I'm doing a Bible study right now with my "siestas" through Beth Moore's blog. It's entitled "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. I posted on a web board for a discussion of this subject some things that I'd been reading in a book that I need to read for work. It's brain/mind connection theory, but it confirms to me what scientists [athiest ones, at that] are finding that coincide with what the Bible says about our thoughts, actions, and sins. I think I'm finding that [insert sigh here] that some people just don't think the way I do. I don't know how else to explain it other than saying I don't fit in many places. I can squeeze myself into spots in life, some a tighter fit than others. Sometimes those spots leave poking bits in my being. But it's so hard when you long for someone to say, "I get you!" It's hard when there was one person who I felt "got" me, and he rejected me. Is it a rejection of that which is me, which he did understand, or just his own issues? I don't know.
Anyway, about this Bible study, there's a section on fear and Satan's lies that I did recently. It made me think of sections in 2 books I read in the last few months, one called "Evangelism for the Rest of Us" and one by Lisa Bevere. Essentially both said the same sentence with a slightly different number, but it boils down to this:
Satan's lies are 90% true.
And I find this is what I'm struggling with in my life, and what the Bible warns us of when God tells us that there's a way that seems right to man [what's technically true, but not full truth] that leads to death. I find my heart and being struggling with this, in a world that wants to label and judge and categorize experiences. I understand that our brains categorize, or stereotype, not necessarily as a prejudicial thing but as a brain economy thing. But I'd like to be worth someone wrapping their mind around me, so to speak, wrapping their mind around all that I am. And I want to care enough to wrap my mind around all that they are, not to assume or to want to wrap up their messy life in a neat little package.
That's one thing my students are seriously teaching me. Life is messy. There's a need for order, for rules, for truth, but that coexists with "mess", with a little bit of chaos, with freedom, with God's seemingly random plan. I think, perhaps, that life seems messy but it's like an impressionist painting, and until we're in heaven, we won't be able to see the picture for the little blobs of paint that look like mistakes and messes and .... well, *just* paint.
What I'm reading right now
I just got done with a book by a woman who, I think, might actually be one of those few people that "get" me. Her name is Jen Hatmaker, and the book is "Ms. Understood". I actually bought her Bible studies last summer when I thought, with being unemployed and suddenly separated from my husband, I'd have time to do them and in need of God's constant presence in the vacuum left by my husband. But then I started working and that vacuum was filled with the need of my staff and students. [Have I made it a little-G god, a la "No Other Gods"? Perhaps. I'm still working through this, because I know I didn't want it to be a god, but the need for comfort, for distraction, and for security were probably driving factors in it. But that's a completely different story.] Anyway, I so recommend this book. I've read a lot of books about God's view of and purpose for women, and I get some new insight out of each author. It's just that I think Jen could actually be a friend. [Have you ever seen something about a famous person, not like Jen is famous, and thought you could actually befriend that person, and not because of their status but because their personality is one you could really appreciate when they're not on the world's stage?]
So, some other things in my stack:
- Letters to a Young Evangelical - Tony Campolo
- Jesus for President - Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw
- Unveiling Islam - Caner brothers
- The Trouble With Paris - Mark Sayers
I'd recommend each and every one. All have different points and views. You may not agree with everything said, but I think good reading isn't meant to make us just nod our heads and affirm our current views, but to make us think and process and consider.
And something I saw in church today
Yes, I realize I'm behind the 8-ball in terms of what's culturally edgy, but I still enjoyed this. It's amazing what one man can inspire with a simple goal. [And I don't know if Matt is a Christian, but it almost felt like, when the wave swept over him, like God was dancing with him. Even the rocks cry out.]
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